When you don’t know how to swim, you wet your toes on the shore and don’t venture too far because it is dangerous and you know you might drown. My mother warned me against it on my first beach holiday, when I was nine, maybe yours did too, and on cold nights, you desire, and you want, a fire because it is comforting and warm but tell me, wouldn’t you be called a fool if you put your hand into it? You remain at a distance and warm your hands and leave when the heat and smoke get too much.
You stay away from a fire because it is the right thing to do. It is the sensible thing to do. Oceans and fires are wonderful things but you stay away from them. They are wonderful, they are mighty and they can kill and so you, stay away from them.
She’s one of the stronger ones.
You didn’t realise that, did you?
You were taken away by her luscious glossy exterior. You were, swept off your feet, by the soft waves of her hair and the spark in her eyes, her gorgeous laughter at your feeble jokes, you wanted more, you wanted the whole of it, all of it. She felt so amazing, just like the ocean or lightning does, and you were drawn into it. You wished you could touch it, you wished, you could immerse yourself in it.
And so you did. You bit into her skin, you dug, into the soft flesh and let the sweet nectar fill your mouth. It made your tongue tingle. But, just as, you were beginning to enjoy yourself and just as, you were getting pleased at this, fine, fine fruit you’d managed to pick and make your own, just as the nectar, was spilling, from the corners of your mouth, you hit the stone inside. The fruit stone, that was larger and harder than you’d ever imagined it to be, tougher than anything you’d ever had in your mouth. Tougher, than anything, you’d ever had in your mind. You teeth rattled and hurt and instinctively, you spat her out, or rather she fell out, how can I even think you mouth could be strong enough to get her out of you. You couldn’t handle how strong she was and how real it was but no it isn’t your fault, your teeth were never meant to hit something so hard.
I often wonder, you know, how people like her survive it all, people like her whose spirits are too much for anyone. People like her who are too few for you not to be tempted to dig into them when you get them, who are too much of a storm for you too ever contain.
I’ve watched her. You hurt her and she cried and then, she grew. She’s rooted herself, and she has branched and bloomed into to the glory that she is.
Since you, she’s grown.
And you are probably still nursing your broken tooth.
I’ve watched her, and I’ve learnt, that people like grow and teach others to grow. And so, it won’t be long before someone else comes along and makes his mouth bleed over her again. She’s learnt, that the kind of love she has to give, is the kind people are afraid of.
You tried. You gambled. You gambled her and you gambled love and you lost and you went away. Just like the others.
But, there’s something about you.
You, you are different. Not any less of a coward, but you’re different.
You, you are one of the thinkers, aren’t you?
You dwell. That’s where the trap lies. You think. That’s where it all begins.
You’ve begun to care.
I see you. You’re trying to slow your pace. Heavens, you’re even trying to steal a glance behind to see if she’s licking and healing her wounds and to see if she’s growing, yet again.
You fell for her, didn’t you?
She fell, and she grew. But
you’re, still falling,